It's hard being afraid of tomorrow, because then you have something new to fear every day.

Years don't take the edge off-
my stomach plummets three stories
below me
and that dizzy, sick, lost feeling
from way back when

is back

grown up me knows
it's all what's best
but the rest of me is never sure
logic's the safest bet

the acid memories fizzle to the surface
that I didn't know were there


treetops and sidewalks
ramen noodles on couches


they sing deafeningly,

"hey, remember that time?"





my everything fills full of nothingness

...and I am nothing in it.

I was better off not knowing
you're doing great

but curiosity wins
and my heart breaks

For all these years,
I thought I was fine

that I was stable and strong

...Wrong.

sitting at the edge

surveying my mortality

 

 

 

I could care less

 

what they're thinking

 

 

the people

I've loved

the longest

 

don't have the grace

to trust

 

in me

 

feeling how I do

 

 

about you

 

 

I just wish

 

 

it were enough

for them-

knowing

 

that I know

you're the guy

for me

 

but it's not

 

 

 

and while I

survey

the fall below

 

I just hope everyone knows

 

you're IT-

 

what they talk

and dream

about

 

what they wish for

their whole lives

 

 

The One

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I wonder

if you're lying

again

 

pretending

 

you do it

for my sake

 

will you ever learn?

 

 

 

you're right

 

truth breaks me down

it's painful

and cut's to the quick

 

but the lies-

nearly fatal

 

 

they're different

 

 

 

they

wear their

good-intention woven

disguises

 

they

parade about-

turning their faces

just as

I get a glimpse

 

 

but those disguises-

those good intentions

 

don't last

 

 

they burn and melt away

 

all at once

 

leaving

a horrible mess

 

 

in my heart

 

 

 

I feel sick about this

uneasy, afraid

 

I put on a brave face

force an awkward smile

 

and hope you can't see

through me

 

 

I never got it all off my chest

 

I tried

 

you didn't listen

 

 

again.

 

 

I shouldn't be bothered

 

I'm doing all right

in second place

 

 

but

 

he'll never have

your laugh

 

he'll never be

your brand of odd

 

So...

 

I miss you

 

and the trouble with missing

a guy like you

 

 

is

 

I'll always miss you

I've been missing you for years

 

somehow

more so

 

when we were together

 

 

it makes me sick

 

 

how can you be so distant

right in front of me

 

 

 

 

second place is painfully far

from first